3 grapefruit and counting

I knew there was a down side to going to bed early. Namely, waking up ridiculously early. And for some reason, I've been eating citrus like it's going out of style. I had 2 grapefruit last night for dessert before going to bed. Upon waking about 40 minutes ago, I ate the last of my stock, then moved on to the oranges (2 of those, so far). On the bright side, last night I was feeling un-well-ish. Perhaps the massive vitamin C infusion has helped me overcome whatever it was, because I feel pretty darn good right now.

Commitment? What?

I love reading random self-help articles. Today's topic: fear of commitment. I learned interesting facts: in Japan, 54% of women age 25-44 are single, and it pisses off male politicians to the point where they say things like the following:

"Welfare is supposed to take care of and reward those women who have lots of children. It is truly strange to say that we have to use tax money to take care of women who don't even give birth once, who grow old living their lives selfishly and singing the praises of freedom."
--Yoshiro Mori, Japan's former prime minister

I bet he doesn't feel the same way about bachelors. And since I also enjoy top ten lists, this one is courtesy of the author of Kiss and Run.

Top 10 signs you’re commitment-phobic:

1. You have a long and elaborate list of requirements for your ideal mate.
2. You go from one short-lived relationship to the next.
3. You have a habit of dating "unavailable" men.
4. You consider your married friends’ lives boring and think they settled for less.
5. You stay in relationships that are rocky and offer little hope of commitment.
6. You back out of plans at the last minute and have trouble setting a time for dates.
7. You cultivate large networks of friends at the expense of a single romantic relationship.
8. You have a lot of relationship trauma in your past.
9. Your career is very important to you and you often choose work over relationships.
10. You are constantly blowing “hot” and “cold” in your relationships.

Massacre at MCMC

It's 0430. Since 1900 on 1/24/09, I have had 13 admissions, 3 of which were critical. Someone please shoot me, or I will have to suffer through 2.5 more hours of this.

Sigh.

Really, it's not that bad. I know other people out there have crappier, busier jobs than I do. But, damn it all, that doesn't really make me feel any better. One more night, then some blessed time off.

Wasting Spaces

Been feeling funky today, and not exactly sure why. I'm willing to blame it primarily on insufficient sleep for the past 3 days. Whatever the starting point, I don't like it. I hate feeling like this, because inevitably it leads me into a spiral of self-loathing that gets fed by virtually anything. Someone makes fun of me? I deserve it for being stupid. Someone is nice to me? Must be because I'm pitiable and they feel sorry for me. Someone gets mad at me? Must be because I'm just annoying to be around. Someone gets upset because of me? See, more evidence that I'm a big waste of space. The only good thing these days is that the rational part of myself is scolding the rest of me that this is ridiculous and I need to snap out of it. Of course, that doesn't stop me from having the need to do such stupid stunts as rant semi-publically, although at least I'm sticking to a white font so most people won't actually read this shit. And, strangely, it does make me feel a bit better to let this out here. I guess it's kind of like lancing an abscess - it might look and smell gross, but it does make it better to let the pus out. But, really, these moods are horrible. Stay in it long enough, and it can devastate relationships with people who matter. For instance, rather than having a nice dinner with my parents, I ran them off and instead had a sandwich by myself. I could have called someone, but didn't want to subject anyone to my depressing company, so instead sat through a silent meal.

Yup. Can't wait for this week to be over.

Quick addition

So, the ER just wanted to let me know that one of my patients seems to be gone.

Me: Gone?
Nurse: Yeah, I checked the bathrooms, but she's not around.
Me: Is her family around?
Nurse: No, they're gone too.
Me: Huh.
Nurse(helpful tone): She did say she felt better.
Me: Huh. Well, let me know if she comes back.
Nurse: Will do!

Derailed

I logged on, eager to write. The thoughts rolling around in my head begged to be brought forth into the light.

And then, I forgot. No clue what I meant to talk about. Maybe because it's after 4 AM. Maybe because I'm annoyed that the ER paged me just now, less than 10 minutes after I asked "You guys need me for anything?"

Damn it.

Social Security, Ponzi, and Friends

Exactly what prompted my original train of though earlier today, who can say. I'm not financially savvy in general, and I primarily keep myself out of trouble by recalling the general rule that, if something sounds too good to be true, it's not. Stories of the Madoff Ponzi scheme have been all over the news, however, and I have spent a bit of time reading over the basics of what happened.

It was only today, however, that it occurred to me that social security basically amounts to a government sanctioned Ponzi scheme. Again, cut me some slack, I'm not an expert here. However, doing a little bit of searching online brings up some interesting info. Estimates as to when SS will start running into deficits are, of course, dependent on the state of the economy and work force, but from what I've gathered in a quick run through of searches on economic articles, it sounds like the first hits are going to come around 2017 or 2018, and then exponentially worsen by around 2040. So, by currently "investing" into the current system and planning to work until retirement age, I'm basically funding the earlier investors in the system with a very questionable possibility that the favor will be returned.

Granted, SS never promises huge returns to begin with (unlike a Ponzi scheme), but you are theoretically putting this money in with a promise of guaranteed retirement income, and it seems questionable that you can't opt out of it even with the knowledge that it's likely an empty promise.

So. That sucks. I mean, I've known for a long time that social security is not something I'm going to rely on in 40 years or so. It just kind of bothered me that, with all the talk of pyramid schemes and such currently in the news, this seems like much the same, except a legal version that the working public has no way of avoiding.

Gotta say, Chile seems to have a good thing going. Can someone in charge please talk to Mr. José Piñera?

Belize it or not

The other day, I walked out of the hospital at some ridiculous hour. I stepped out onto the garage roof and was embraced by a cool breeze on an otherwise humid, fairly warm night. Is it really January? It threw me off so much that for a second it reminded me of a night in Belize at Matachica. Oh, wait, except for the fact that, in Belize, I wasn't frustrated, tired, and standing in a parking garage at midnight. And there was an ocean. Right.

Spaghetti and shrimp dumplings

Often, I'm filled with wonder at the beauty of the world, and I wish I could find a way to pour my heart out in my writing. I wish that I could write something truly thought provoking, that sheds a light into the deepest recesses of my consciousness.

Instead, I'm going to talk about spaghetti.

Growing up, we didn't often have normal spaghetti. We had Chilean spaghetti (which is pressure cooked cuts of steak with carrots, black fungus, and bay leaves over spaghetti), spaghetti with garbanzos and parmesan, and spaghetti in a delicious homemade pesto sauce mixed with fresh farmers cheese to accompany apanado (beaten cuts of thin cut steak which is then breaded and fried). I liked normal spaghetti, it just didn't start appearing at our house until I was well into my teens.

At restaurants, I never understood people who used spoons to eat spaghetti. Seriously? Isn't that what the plate is for, to provide a stable winding surface? The use of knives to chop up spaghetti also baffled me, as it seemed to remove one of the best parts of having spaghetti - an interactive dining experience (I'm not sure if that gets my point across very well - eating, after all, involves you interacting with your food no matter how you do it - but I digress).