Been feeling funky today, and not exactly sure why. I'm willing to blame it primarily on insufficient sleep for the past 3 days. Whatever the starting point, I don't like it. I hate feeling like this, because inevitably it leads me into a spiral of self-loathing that gets fed by virtually anything. Someone makes fun of me? I deserve it for being stupid. Someone is nice to me? Must be because I'm pitiable and they feel sorry for me. Someone gets mad at me? Must be because I'm just annoying to be around. Someone gets upset because of me? See, more evidence that I'm a big waste of space. The only good thing these days is that the rational part of myself is scolding the rest of me that this is ridiculous and I need to snap out of it. Of course, that doesn't stop me from having the need to do such stupid stunts as rant semi-publically, although at least I'm sticking to a white font so most people won't actually read this shit. And, strangely, it does make me feel a bit better to let this out here. I guess it's kind of like lancing an abscess - it might look and smell gross, but it does make it better to let the pus out. But, really, these moods are horrible. Stay in it long enough, and it can devastate relationships with people who matter. For instance, rather than having a nice dinner with my parents, I ran them off and instead had a sandwich by myself. I could have called someone, but didn't want to subject anyone to my depressing company, so instead sat through a silent meal.
Yup. Can't wait for this week to be over.
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