Flowers by the road

Night call weeks put me in a foul mood. I hate working 7 nights in a row. I hate feeling isolated from my daily pursuits. I hate feeling tired everyday. I hate feeling so hateful. It hasn't helped that I've felt like a black cloud has followed me around at work since Monday.

Enter one very nice lady (VNL).

Thanks to a couple of boluses of patients which included a couple of very sick ones, last night found me scurrying from floor to floor trying to locate patients. I finally tracked down VNL shortly after her arrival from the ER. Pleasantries were exchanged, history and physical taken.

Somehow, it turned out to be a much longer encounter than originally planned. See, VNL is 70 years old and looks more like a handsome 50. Raised Catholic, she made the hard decision to divorce her husband because she realized their worlds were out of sync and there was no other solution. The decision was made even harder since she had 3 children (8 months to 6 years) and not a lot of support from her church or most of her family. She has remained friends with her ex-husband all these years, as she is the first to say that he's a good man, just not for her.

Her life story reflects a character that is optimistic, practical, and full of faith. She is a survivor of ovarian cancer. She is a woman with a good sense of humor. She is a woman who has read hundreds of books and remembers them like friends. She loves good meals, but has learned how to temper her diet for her health as well. Even in pain, she is able to laugh. She moved to the area to help her stepson's family, as their young son was born prematurely and needs lots of extra love.

We talked about the importance of setting boundaries in your life, and the importance of telling the people you love that, well, you love them. We ruminated on how the smallest things we do can make huge impacts, for better or worse, on the people around us. We discussed how something as simple as a genuine smile can shed warmth in our lives and day-to-day adventures.

Walking out of her room, I didn't feel so hateful anymore. My smile stopped feeling forced, and I was able to move onto my last patient of the evening without wincing. Thank you, VNL. You'll never read this, but thanks.