Survival skills in action

There was a time in my life where the idea of walking off into the woods and living off the fat of the land was what I plotted every night. My library has an eclectic assortment of books, and there's a fair segment that deal with survival skills that were collected during that particular era. Theoretically, I could be dropped off in an isolated forest with only the clothes on my back and walk away not only unscathed, but with some killer new duds and an arsenal of primitive weaponry. Awesome.

In reality, I can barely start a fire with a full can of lighter fluid, bone dry wood and a lighter. I've never actually killed and then eaten my prey, although I have shot those little bastard English sparrows with a BB gun. I'm a fair shot with a bow and arrow, but somehow I have my doubts that I could produce a laminated recurve bow with a full set of professionally fletched aluminum arrows in the back woods with sheer tenacity.

Now, I am good at making the "rodent in distress" call. I proved this a few days ago in my parking garage, and the tale is as follows:

Walking out of my car and toward the elevators of my building, a small scurrying figure caught my eye. I silently slid behind a nearby concrete support and watched. There. A young rat, exploring the wheels of a 1999 Infinity G35, oblivious to the possible dangers lurking a scant 8 feet away. As it turned it's attention to its whiskers, I stealthily approached, using cars for cover until I was within 5 feet. Carefully, I moistened the back of my hand and pushed my lips to it and, essentially, kissed it noisily, allowing air to flow through my front teeth. Perfect.

The object of my pursuit leapt into the air, sheer terror in its beady eyes. Frantic, it tried to find it's distressed compatriot, at which point I stepped away from the SUV where I had been concealed. This being too much for the murine to deal with, it dashed away.

Now, had this been a survival situation, I would have totally had rat stew. It wouldn't have stood a chance against my superior intellect and skills, highlighting my rightful place as a superpredator/omnivore. Owned.

Random Link: You rock, math/science teachers.