I don't know what songs should be playing in the soundtrack of my life.
I don't know what my favorite dessert is.
I'm not really sure who I am.
I can't remember important dates that matter to my family or friends.
I usually fail to understand what people are talking about, even when I'm trying to listen.
I haven't talked to one of my brothers in about 4 months.
There comes a time to change. Perhaps that time needs to come sooner rather than later.
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3 comments:
well....sounds like what you're describing is a typical, old fashioned, clusterfuck. everything is spread out, unorganized, in several different directions (like my life). i think maybe you just need to get organized.
and then you throw time in there. hmmm....time. maybe you need to take more time and not less. maybe you don't need to be in as much of a hurry as you think that you do. of course, this is coming from me, who tries to hurry all the time and becomes impatient at the slightest impedence to me living my life.
i cannot come up with a soundtrack of my life right now....maybe in a week i could. but, there would be thousands of possible songs and combinations that would fit....it doesn't need to be absolute. maybe you can have 2-3 soundtracks.
hell, maybe in a month.
shit....i have no idea what my absolute favorite dessert is. fuck, i like so damn many of them, if i ate them enough, well shit, i'd be as big as mr. shaw himself.
sometimes i know who i am; sometimes i have some idea...and sometimes i have no fucking clue.
"I’m just wondering why I feel so all alone
Why I’m a stranger in my own life"
i guess i'm a good listner though. but sometimes i misunderstand people. perhaps it's the fact that i can't fucking hear because i inherited the "deaf" gene from my grandad, the late Ned Bond. maybe i'm not as good of a listner as i thought.
dates....if i was married or something, i could remember our anniversary. but this would just consist of 2 people remembering each other's significant moments. i can't remember let's say 10 friends and their significant others and their ?kids birthdays and anniversaries and all that. jeez i'm not that fucking smart (i honestly don't have the fucking time, either).
maybe you can spend more time with your family--if you like doing so. don't do it just to say that you did it. don't do it because you "feel like you should" because it's been a long time. do it if YOU want to.
just remember that if people did not like you for who you are....if people thought that you were insincere, selfish, dishonest, ugly person, then they would not spend time with you on a regular basis. just keep that in mind. and if someone really thinks all that about you well then, fuck them....then you don't need to be in contact with that person.
jeez, that was a hell of a rant after taking some ambien and trying to study. i will have no idea what i said in the morning. i guess that that point of this rant is that you don't have to do all these things, or, at least, you don't have to do them all right now.
see ya.....jeez i hope that i don't get called in tonight.
Organization - my nemesis. But you're right, there needs to be more of it in my life. It would save some grief.
Reviewing my rant, my God, it's so angsty. I feel like I should rewrite a bit, go to a poetry reading wearing a black turtleneck, beret and chain smoking a pack of whatever emo poets smoke. It might get some snaps.
I know you're right. I don't need to be able to categorize myself to like who I am. Figure out what matters, stick to that, and a portrait of self begins to flesh out through the actions taken in your life. Simple idea, staggeringly difficult to implement sometimes.
Maybe we should re-title that last post "because I'm sour, like the babies." Stop it. You know you're cool. Otherwise I wouldn't hang out with you. Little Rogue might, but I wouldn't:) Dammit, now I'm hungry . . .
PS What ever happened to Sour Babies? Remember those?
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