Nothing but trouble

Disclaimer: The following blog should probably not be read by anyone. I mean, it's entirely whiny and moronic. Here, I'll give you a link to something that will make you happier than reading this: Rubber bands. Innocuous tools of war.

What, still here? Your loss, I tried to warn you.
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Talking never got me anywhere except into trouble. Perhaps an extreme statement, but it certainly feels like the truth when I consider the holes I’ve dug for myself secondary to thoughtless conversations throughout my life. Perhaps being a deaf/mute would have been better for the people around me.

Perhaps my singing is some kind of saving grace. While not exceptional, and perhaps because of that, it seems to make people happy. I don’t know.

At any rate, I digress. This is an exercise in exploring a crucial failure in my character. To my credit, I am eager to perform tasks and favors for my friends, but come on. A paid go-fer can do the same thing, and probably better. I have a complete inability to address things that count without making every issue come back to me (i.e. “It’s my fault”). Sure, even if it’s true, who the hell cares?

Why is it my fault, then? That’s the clincher. Did I not pay attention? Did I say something stupid when I knew better? Did I ignore obvious signs of distress? Did I fail to listen? Why the hell can’t I get to the point where I can actually prevent the “fault” from occurring? I just sit there like a sack of beans with that sad face that says “Boohoo, I suck.” Take, for example, the opening of this rant. “Boohoo, I suck.” Who gives a shit?

How do you gain true empathy? I do a reasonably good job at work, right? I talk to people about life and death on a daily basis without coming off as a heartless bitch, mainly because I’m not a heartless bitch, and I am able to gain trust and confidence from families.

Maybe that’s it. I can be convincing for a few days or hours, but it’s not real. Which means that I'm a hyprocrite. Great. Just what I wanted to be when I grew up.
Random Link: May you live in interesting times.