Ok, I'm going to write a very personal entry. If you want something lighthearted, I advise you either skip down to earlier entries or check again in a few hours, when I intend to blog about happier thoughts.
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I really enjoyed my trip to Chicago. What I did not enjoy in the least was the fact that I got really, really out of control. I'm not talking about the drinking. I'm talking about the fact that I was ungodly rude to some really great people who deserved much better. If you're still reading this, don't give me any outs, there's not an excuse. I put my best friend into the position of either intervening or letting me act like an ass, and that's not fair. What's worse, it's something I've done before, too many times to count.
I've got issues. A lot of us do, but where I have continuously failed is by inaction. I don't take action to spare the people around me, which is selfish and bitchy and passive aggressive. I end up looking sad and apologizing. This isn't new. It's completely ineffective and worthless.
I'm going back to therapy. I've got anger problems, self esteem issues, lack of self worth, and I'm manipulative. There are some things that I can address on my own, but there's a lot of stuff I need some outside input on. My therapist is pretty cool, and I'll get to see her next week.
This isn't a self pity post, because, actually, right now I feel okay, great even. I went for a long walk/run, I'm about to grab a bite to eat, and maybe karaoke later. But I've spent a good amount of time today thinking about what went wrong, and I think that I should listen to the good instincts and good advice I've been ignoring for several months now.
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